Setting boundaries before entering the conversation

Setting boundaries can help everyone involved feel more in control of where the conversation goes. Some examples of boundaries include creating conversation agreements where everyone agrees on both conduct, such as being open and respectful, and structure, including topics that everyone is willing to talk about. Reflecting on the conversation afterwards is a good way to build on the agreement before the next conversation to ensure that the discussions are valuable and allowing for understanding among each person involved. Examples of conversation agreements about a variety of topics can be found at Living Room Conversations.

Setting time limits

Time limits can be set for everyone involved as a group or they can be set by the individual. Since it can be easy to get wrapped up into a conversation about the conspiracy theory that lasts much longer than you intended, setting time limits can keep the conversation from going on too long or entering topics that were not agreed upon. If a time limit set among the group as a whole would detract from the effectiveness of the conversation, then setting up an internal timer for yourself and politely excusing yourself from the conversation may be helpful in setting a personal boundary.

Keeping the focus on your friend or family member and not the conspiracy theory

Maintaining the focus on your friend or family member creates an environment focused around talking about the effects of their relationship with the conspiracy theory rather than the conspiracy theory itself. Getting into conversations about the conspiracy theory itself can be a large mental or emotional toll, so being purposeful about where the focus about the conversation lies may be beneficial in having meaningful conversation. Learn more here.

Getting informed about the topic and possible ways that the conversation could go

Informing yourself about the conspiracy theory that your friend or family member is involved in can help in visualizing the possible ways that the conversation could go in. It is important to be prepared for any sort of reaction, positive or negative, which may include your family or friend bringing up specific language or events from their conspiracy theory.

However, it is also important to ensure that you are not getting so engrossed into the conspiracy theory when researching it that you begin to become a conspiracist; this act is called red pilling, and it only backfires on the original intent of doing research on the conspiracy theory in the first place. It is crucial to be able to understand what your friend or family member is saying without red pilling yourself. In addition to doing research about the conspiracy theory, finding guidance for your specific situation online and reflecting on how this guidance may apply to your family or friend is important. It is not uncommon to have family or friends with extreme beliefs and feel discouraged to talk to them about it, so visiting online forums about these topics may provide guidance in addition to a community that understands your feelings and experiences.

Considering time and place

Putting aside an appropriate time and place to have a serious and potentially difficult conversation can be crucial in upholding boundaries and maintaining a purposeful focus. As Thriveworks explains, some times and places that may be inappropriate for this conversation includes the workplace, Facebook threads, or being in an emotional state before the conversation begins.

Not trying to prove your friend wrong

Everyone involved in the conversation should keep the purpose of the conversation in mind while discussing differences in beliefs. The primary mission of these conversations is not to prove each other wrong; rather, the mission should be to listen and learn from each other and to walk away having expressed yourself in a productive manner. A conversation is an exchange of ideas and should be treated as such even when the topic of conversation can be controversial.

Not always thinking about what you’re going to say next

If you are thinking about what you’re going to say next while the other person is talking, then you probably aren’t truly hearing what is being said. Listening is extremely important in creating an open environment for conversation and being an active listener means listening without trying to maintain strict control over where it goes. With high risk conversations, such as ones about the effects of a family or friend’s relationship with conspiracy theories, it is common to feel uncomfortable and intimidated. This is when you should challenge yourself to push through any discomfort to listen to what is being said and respond accordingly – this is how productive conversations are best held.

Staying aware of your body language and tone

In order to effectively talk about a conspiracy theory, it is important for the conspiracist to feel comfortable. This topic requires a vulnerable environment, and ensuring that your body language and tone align with vulnerability can be a dealbreaker. Some examples of inappropriate body language include shouting, pacing, and scoffing or laughing. You should stay respectful and open but firm in what you are saying. If you find that you are starting to feel upset or frustrated, it is important to try exercises so that the situation does not escalate. Instead, only continue the conversation when everyone is ready to do so in a calm manner. If this is not possible at the time, then it is best to remove yourself from the conversation or change the topic and continue the conversation at a later time.

Knowing where to expend your efforts

Since having this conversation already requires large amounts of emotional and mental energy, keep in mind that there are some aspects of conversation that simply aren’t worth devoting your energy to. If your family member or friend will not communicate respectfully or won’t listen to what you have to say, then it might not be worth your energy. Assessing where your family member or friend is at in terms of being open to conversation about their behavior and the potential effects that the conspiracy has had on them should be taken into consideration in order to understand how much energy you should be devoting to this.

Not getting stuck on the facts

When getting into conversation about conspiracy theories, it is crucial to avoid getting into debate about the facts of the conspiracy theory. Facts often don’t make any difference to conspiracists because the conspiracy theory itself is based on what conspiracists believe to be facts. They have committed their time and energy into researching life events to draw connections, so they believe that what they know are the facts. This is why keeping the focus on the effects of the conspiracy theory rather than the conspiracy theory itself may be more beneficial for everyone involved.